i am who i am.
Tawnya.Pickering,Ontario.DONE high school:).19-yes legal drinking
age.Crazy.Shy at times. Confused. Thinking. Funny.Hyper. Laughing.Evil.Nice.Bitchy.Complaining.Excited.
Weird.Parinod.Truthful.Pierced.Blonde.Looking for Love.Trying to figure out life.

what did you miss?
- - 2006-09-19
haha - 2004-02-25
"Another turning point, a fork stuck in the road......" - 2002-10-14
so long sweet summer. - 2002-09-04
not goodbye - 2002-09-02

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so long sweet summer. @ 2:53 p.m. on 2002-09-04

hey hey...i just got my internet to work..ut i wrote this entry last night! ENJOY! Dont forget to check out and change your favorite to my new diary http://tawnee.diaryland.com

Well im currently at Brock U and its the end of my second day. I honest to god love it here....but the stories of what has been going on well be in my new journal......my internet isnt working right now, so im writing in word...I guess this will be the last entry in this diary. But dont worry it wont be closed and my new journal will be at tawnee.diaryland.com.

Its back to saturday. As i said before i didnt go to work because i was dead tired. Saturday night was pretty sad. Me and tarah left and picked up Lisa than headed to Pickering playingfields to watch the boys play some beach volleyball. Lindsay,robin and time were all there as well. Afterwards Urbas and Matt headed home to shower, and the rest of the crew went to Wendys/Timmys. Afterwards everyone meet up at Breannes house for a party. It was okay, but really we all *the crew* spent most of the time sitting on the kitchen floor, talking. It was good. A few tears were shed:( After that we all left and headed to the liverpool beach and the toden-pole. Which is the first place we all really had a good talk together at the beginning of summer. It was really good, but fucking sad as hell, as it was robins last night, and really the LAST night of everone together. We literally just talked about EVERYTHING that happened throughtout the summer, it was great. Im sitting here trying to recall everything and im surrounded by pictures from the summer and im sad. I miss everyone so much, its not even funny. Well we sat there for a good 2 hours maybe. We than slowly walked back to the parking lots, and all our smiles turned to frowns as we knew this was the goodbye......as crapppy as that sounds. We took one last picture as a whole, and the tears starting coming. I didnt cry, because honestly i wanted to believe this wasnt goodbye. It felt maybe we would all just come back tommrow and continue summer. Saying goodbye to robin sucked...because i love her so much, and it sucks knowing she is over 7 hours away from me....:( It was even more sad to see the boys sad......i couldnt look at alex because i knew if i did i would start blawling right there....:( I drove matt and urbas home, and it was a quiet ride home, because we all were filed with so much emotions. What sucked even more for me, was i knew that it was my turn to say goodbye to everyone the next night. I couldnt really sleep that night, and didnt go to sleep til 3ish.

So we arranged during the night that we would all wake up at 6:30am and meet at urbas's house. we *expect alex* surprisely all got up at that time and meet up at 6:45, than headed over to Robins house to surprise her and say goodbye. Again to sad for words, but it was definatly worth it. We said our last goodbyes than me, tarah,urbas,lisa and navin headed over to mcshits, and got some breakfast. Afterwards i headed staright to work for 8:30, and it was my last day. It was good, but weird cause everyone would go on saying "have a great year...see ya next year"...im gonna miss alot of them...:( I got off work at 5, came home for a family dinner, than did the last minute packing.....Got ready, than headed out with Tarah to go watch the boys play some beach volleyball. Afterwards all the boys went home to shower, so me and tarah met up with lindsay-o at wendys/tims. We were there for about an hour or so, and within that time all the boys showed up and so did lisa. Tims parents werent home, so we headed over there and watched the sunday night sex show. Oh man...*ya my penis stinks....is it suppost to be that big?!?!!" Too funny ! Lisa was only allowed out for an hour, so she headed out after the sex show, and we all said our goodbyes.. Everyone was really tired, but honestly i DIDNT want to say goodbye. I refused to hug everyone, because that just meant it was over...and i didnt want that.So we stood outside tims house for like 30 minutes before i decided it was time. I made my way around, hugging everyone, but i didnt feel right. It didnt really sink in, that THIS WAS IT. We went by the cars, and i still didnt want to leave....but tim came out and told us that his neighbours were gonna call the cops, so i hugged everyone again, and it wasnt until i got into the car, and we started driving off that i started to cry. It was than that it hit me...it hit me that this was it...it was the end of the most amasing summer ever, with the most amasing people. Driving and crying isnt exaclty the best thing in the world. Urbas was driving home matt and they pulled up at an intersection, and i didnt want them to see me cry........and the worst feeling was them driving away as urbas said "this is it, we are going our separate ways....." as i turned left.....:( Alex and Navin drove in front of me, and alex blocked my street with his car, and told me i couldnt go home. I honestly to god didnt...but he couldnt have stayed there forever, so it was the final stretch home:( That is when i came online and wrote that last entry...blawling my eyes out. Tarah must of heard me, and she came into were i was, and hugged me....I was talking to Matt and Navin online, and i couldnt stop crying. Me and Navin were talking about how great the summer was, as Matt made me more sad saying that he was sad, and that he needed to see me. I felt the same way, because honestly the 2 second hug back at tims house, wasnt enough, and i needed to see him. So Matt drove over, as i waited for him outside my house, trying to wipe away the tears....Matt finally came over, and we went for a walk around my neighbour,holding hands, and just talking about everything. I could talk with Matt forever...I tried not to think about me leaving, because i didnt want to cry, so i tryed to think postive as much as i could. The sadest moment was at the corner of this street, and we just stood there and hugged and matt told me he wanted to just stay here forever....and i did tooo....so much......shit this is making me sad now. We continued our walk, and a few times i thought matt was gonna cry, and that was the LAST thing i wanted...we got back to my house, and we sat on the curb and lyed down on the grass up at the stars, and talked about all the great moments during summer, and the first encounter we ever had.....It made me think alot about all the stuff we went thru during the summer, and how GREAT it ended....With all the shit that happened in the beginning, it sure did end up being great....The clock quickly ticked away, and i couldnt help but think that that night was going to end, and i didnt want it to.....Matt told me he had to be home, and it sucked..it sucked hearing those words of "i have to go home"....i just stood there with my hands over my face thinking about everything..i didnt want him to leave, but i understood. SO we just hugged for the longest time, and i didnt want to let go......:( I told him id walk him to his car, and i did...again we hugged for a while, and than i told him i wanted to kiss him goodbye.. so i did, and that my friends, was great, but at the same time, crappy, because it was the end........the end of the summer......we kissed, than i walked back to my house. Right when i turned my back to matt to walk back home, i started crying...and continued to cry....:( It hurt me so much to hear from matt that he cryed as well on the drive home................i hate goodbyes...i hate them.....But i know this isnt the end, i just hope to god things dont change.......I didnt want to go to sleep that night, and i talked to matt for a bit on icq, but i knew the best thing for me to do was get sleep......

And that was it......That was the end to pickering...The end of the most amasing summer i have EVER had, and probably ever have.....Itll be hard to top that one....Now im at Brock and im honestly LOVING it here, but there is a part of me that wishes that i could have the people i love most back home to share this fun with me. I think this is just the end of the summer entry, and there will be ONE more final one.....The one that will end my high school life, and my movement to University.....I will start writing in my new journal AS SOON as my internet starts working *long story*.......ive got a ton of storied already...But this is the second last entry for pink-sparkle's as we know it...One more entry here before its really a letting go from my life in p-town......... But just know that im happy right now, and cant wait to see what the future holds for me. The past will never be forgotten, expecially the last 2 months...I love and miss you all :)