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puff @ 11:26 p.m. on 2001-04-05
this has become my place to come out with my ANGER and stuff...errr..i dont know anymore. the last few days i have been SOO HAPPY. like soo happy. ive been trying to live in the NOW of things and try to, not forget the past, but to try not to live in the past. it seemed as if i was thinkin about the past TOO MUCH and like analizing things and "what if" sorta situations. i cant go backk. Of cource there are things i would change, but in a way i dont think i would change any of the decisions i made, but more of what i didnt do, i was i DID:) u know? maybe not. im really looking forward to ALOT OF THINGS. like alot. prom is in less than a month away, and im REALLY EXCITED. so many plans are being made and im happy my parents are so like supportive and i dont know, fun. Its been fun. my mom is my best friend. i dont think anyone can be as close to their mom as i am. i tell her EVERYTHING. Wait, not everything, but U KNOW:) and its been cool cause going and finding a dress i feel like she is living her prom dream through mine. my mom never got to go to prom *long story* and im seeing like an excitement in her:) and that makes me happy. my friends make me happy:) i love them all to death, weither they know it or not. life is good:) however, what about love. im just so confused and messed up with what i want. im not the girl who has had a million and two b.f. maybe because im picky or SOMETHING, but i dont know. i get bored so easily and it suxs. right now i feel as if...i dont know...u dont understand how confusing my mind is. one min i want one thing, they next another. today in relgion class, there was a line that was read out of the bible. it went along the lines of : "when you find what is perfect, all that was partial will dissipear" to you that may mean SHIT, but to me. GOD HOW TRUE THAT IS. i think the whole living in the "past" phase i was going through is what makes this true. everyone i have EVER been with has been "partial" i can honestly say i havent met "the guy for me" and i KNOW THIS FOR A FACT. and i guess looking in the past wants me to make them perfect and wish i had them again. However WHEN i find the "perfect" one, remising on the past and those who were "partial" will dissiper. i know this is making no sense to u. but deal with me here. im not going to look. it seems like i try to make people "perfect" for me, and am trying to ignore the fact that this is hurting me and they is too many people in this world to "worry" about one little thing, and worry weither or not someone likes or doesnt like u. i honestly believe there is a PERSON for everyone. time can only BRING this person.
 Tawnya
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