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mono>>?! @ 1:03 a.m. on 2001-04-28
i just got home (sorta* from tonite. im REALLY not in the mood to tell u what i did. i honestly feel like i have mono right now. its like i HAVE TO have a nap when i get home or ill be tired. like my sister had mono and i thought i had it late last year. LATELY however ive been soo unbelievaly tired its not even funny. i didnt have a nap today when i got home, and i feel like soo weak. so my mom thinks i have mono so we are gonna get blood work done tommrow. i dunno. im happy. i am. i love my friends:) im happy.....but in a way i feel as if im not as happy as i should be. hmmmmmmm....ok....... i was talking to my mom today about stuff. and i feel as if she totally understands me. im not gonna write about it here. tonite neways..i might not even write about in ever. but ya. im tired. bye
update some time at around 2am-u know what. i am a bitch sometimes. and i wont deniy this. but honestly i have EVERY right to:) i was talking about this with my mom. i was such a bitch to matt..like in a way it pissed me off how he WOULD TAKE THIS shit from me. i could be mean...NOT TO him like "u asshole" mean...but like little things *ie that time downtown*...i would ignore him....*bah*....and he NEVER EVER got mad at me...the ONLY time he got mad was really what ended our relationship...i was seeing things i didnt like in him more than what i liked. we went to the movies one nite and i walked out half way through. HOW MUCH OF A BITCH CAN I BE. god. gladitor was the movie and to this day i refuse to see that movie. i hate it..i HATE IT......... it wasnt the movie.it was me. it was the fact that i liked my FRIENDS more than him. i wanted to be with my FRIENDS more than him. *at the end of our relationship*... we were on different levels of "fun"....and i wanted to be out with my friends, so i walked out of the movie. GOD I WAS A BITCH. that was the first time he didnt call me for days. he hated me... i mean WHO WOULDNT. i cryed...he cryed......he told me i made him worth living. I CRYED THAT WHOLE NITE. im crying now...........iwe tryed to work things out. but i just DIDNT FEEL THE SAME.
how the hell did i just start talking about this shit. oh ya..im a bitch i forgot. NEWAYS. me and my mom were talking. i need a guy who wouldnt take shit from me, but at the same time not give me shit. im a very controling person. like i dunno. its hard to explain. i dont need a guy to make me happy, so i dont do stuff to impress guys. HMMMM..im tired. sorry...im just rambling..ill sum it up for u. im a bitch sometimes. if i get pissed off ULL KNOW, BUT honestly why lie. IT SEEMS like a ALWAYS FIND OUT NEWAYS. i guess im lucky that way. i find out before its tooo latee. YES THE TRUTH hurts, so JUST FUCKING TELL ME TO MY FACE, DONT LET ME FIND OUT LATER. :) my word of advice;)
 Tawnya
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