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the side you dont hear from tawnya. @ 2:45 p.m. on 2002-03-26
"You know something is big when tawnya writes on paper." "I think about him constantly and he makes me smile" "he makes me sick. like he is the rolemodel for a sterotypical guys who only wants sex." "Im not sure if i like him yet thou. AHHHH...he makes me all nervous/tingly feelings..GAAA" "but he is too good to like me. i dunno its just weird...i feel like it is too late cause i see him more as a friend" "i miss having someone to call my own. i miss having someone i can ALWAYS call and just talk. I miss just going over to his house and being togther. I like that stuff, and want it back." "God what i wouldnt give to go back then and kiss him. hehehe. i wonder what happened to him?!" "Noone is bugging me and i think that makes me want him more, not being bugged" "why am i such a weirdo. I always want something ONCE its gone. i always wait, and miss my chance. or maybe i always want it cause i know i cant have it? I cant let this overtake my life. I cant stop missing these GOOD opporunities. Am i too picky or am i scaried? i am scaried i guess. i always feel as if i can never live up to an expecation" "i kissed him. YES tawnya acually made the first move. the next day i thought he hated me. then he came over the next day. And ya i like him..but....." "i did lead him on..but i didnt cause i like him. but how would i feel if the currciumstances were reversed? and ____ finds someone better." "BLAH. i dont think i could just sit down and JUST talk to him." "what is wrong with me. it is one big cycle.....now im thinking i just wanna be stay single. i mean now is FUN." "lack of writing...things with guys are crazze. i wanna be single. DONE. the perfect guy isnt here" "Yum-a way to describe it. All ive been thinking about is him. Such a good kisser and i missed just holding hands. I wish that nite didnt end" "...asked me out last night. how weird is that? i mean i said no. Hes not the guy i want right now." "oh i love opening my eyes:)" "now that i think about it. I'm being stupid. Forget this." "i mean i don't wanna sit around and wonder." "i should take my own advice and just not worry and let things happened right? right?" ""i felt like SHIT. i mean i was thinking in my head how bad i felt." "wow. ive been so happy this week. it felt GREAT." "but either i liked them but they dont give me the "tingle" and i end up "ditching" them, or i get the "tingle" and they turn out to have "used" me or just been not my type. i have no idea where i am going with this." "Its not fair:( why do some girls just seem to "have it". It seems like everyone has "someone" but me. Fuck. But i have to stop thinking that way. I dont know what i want...but i do.....im sick of Pickering..i wanna get out." "life is weird. fuck how mant times have i said that. tonite was weird" "i feel great about myself and thats ALL that matters" "why is life so stressful. i wish i was a kid still. i really do. I dont know what to think nemore...My life is an overload. Its like it will never stop...never..." "Life is so different now. Not in the way it works, but the way i look at it. I mean really i feel like ive changed. There have been too many eye opening experiences in the last month that have made me reliese how unpredicable life really is, and how much we must live LIFE to the fullest. Things can change in 2 seconds" "I dont wanna grow up, im a toys-r-us kid!" "Does any of this make sense? Do i EVER MAKE sense? Maybe it is SOMEONE. There is obviously SOME CONNECTION but how?" "What i express inside i can't reliese. I cant put into words. I just make this perfect world in my mind, and i'm lying to myself. Why cant things EVER work out. ever..never. I think it is just me overreacting. I always over react." "But before i can express how i feel, i need to FIGURE OUT what i feel first. I fall to hard...then run so fast. wow. it is all making sense. It is fun to dream" "I mean i dont understand WHY it bothered me. I mean i HAD my chance to go out with him, but i didnt. ....why did i turn down a guy i KNEW wouldnt "use" me, and he would have treated me like a queen.i dont know. That night was great..." "why cant guys think the same way as girls. WAIT then the world would be damn confusing." "I mean the WHOLE situation is too good to be true if it worked out. Something you see in a movie. But REALLY it wont happen,so why get my hopes up." "what is it that makes me want him so bad? I dont know. Maybe the fact that he doesnt take crap from me. WOW. it took me more than 6 months to figure that out. " "I NEVER EVER WANT TO TALK TO ________ AGAIN.I HATE HIM. I HATE HIM SO MUCH FOR MAKING ME CRY...." "lets just say everything out of his fucking mouth was a fucking lie....i cant believe i acually thought he was a descent person. i acually believed him. i didnt see through his act...i cant believe some of the stuff i told him. fuck. is there ANY good guys out there." "it is like he is saying everything i want, but he doesnt know it." "I often wonder why things happen. WHY NOW?! where was he a year ago?" "i dunno how to explain how i feel about him. i dunno if i want to go out with him...." "But i guess ill have to put up with that right? well from guys in general." "how can i live my life to the fullest when i end up being screwed over in the end!" "ahh..he is just cute!" "I keep asking myself what i want...and i've know all along what i want, and i keep making excuses for myself." "That was such a great feeling...i wanna find a guy that gives me the tingle...i want him to respect and appricate me, and give me all the attention in the world. Why can't i find this perfect guy. The guy that can chill with my friends. The guys that likes me for me, and not just for my body." "Its weird how things come together all at once." "I should stick with my first impressions." "He just doesn nothing 4 me. He is boring..i need someone i can talk to for hours" "I wish i could take bits and pieces from them all, and make that perfect guy. I feel as if time is running out, for no apparent reason..i have nothing more to write." "Im happy now, i really am. But im also human. I need affection." "i wish life was FULL of those perfect moments." "I just feel so stupid sometimes. Or maybe im just acting too much like a girl." "What happened to just having a good conversation, TRULY liking the person, taking things slow..." "Why is life so complicated and unfair. I dont know...but everything happens for a reason, RIGHT?!" "im just having fun.......music always helps!" ok...i guess you can say this is a look into the "real" tawnya. the NON censored tawnya, like i have to be censored on here. i mean OF COURCE i censored ALOT of what quotes from my private journal i decided to put on here. but it is a look into what i really feel. i dont want anyone to hear what i think or what i write in my private/paper journal, because that would just defeit the purpose of it being PRIVATE! the quotes above are all in order starting from June 1st/2001 to now *or my last entry which was March 24th/02*. im sure some people might figure out whom/what i was talking about in some of the quotes, but then again YOU MIGHT BE WRONG! i just felt like writing the private side of tawnya. bye!
 Tawnya
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