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hmm @ 3:26 p.m. on 2001-04-11
u know what... i feel like shit right now *total change from my last entry*..i dunno..im soo tired and like things r'nt going to way i want. one little desision can change ur life. i swear. its not fair thou. i feel as if sometimes people make these choices for me, and i just get stuck. I DONT KNOW. shit, i dont think my dad isnt home to drive me to work. HOLD ON. ok he is home. neways ya, i dont know. whenever i get what i want, i totally like mess it up. fuck, u dont understand how confuing i am. ive had a million and 2 chances to do all this stuff, and i miss it. BUT i dont regret anything i have done.....but in a way i do.. sometimes i feel as if i ask for it. like i will admit i have been the subject of a cheater. like i had a sorta clue that a guy had a girlfrien, but i still did stuff with him. and ive had a b/f cheat on me, so i feel as if i DESERVED that. u know..and now I DONT KNOW. life is too damn confusing. i spend way to much time worrying about shit, when i shouldnt. i love my friends, i do... i have soo much fun. i love my family. but i feel as if something is missing. yes i know ur all saying "a guy", but in a way, if i wanted a guy i could get one.*dont think like that..im not conceited* its just that like there r guys that are open that they like me *ie-darryl* but ya, still, it still seems fake..AHHHH so maybe im too picky and am looking for the perfect guy. the guys ive gone out with and been invloved with i can honestly say werent perfect. HOWEVER they all have things that i like, and i wish i could take all those featured to make that perfect one;) both physically and inside:) but ya..i dunno... time is the key.
update-4:02pm
it is like god was reading this entry..hehehe in a matter of 5 min after i wrote this entry SO MANY PEOPLE MESSAGED ME , and i was in such a GOOD MOOD AND AM NOW. my imood said i felt "alone" but u know what, all that has changed:) i love u guys, im not sad, im ALIVE:) and am feeling much better about myself. i guess it was just a comment someone made early that sparked my sadness....but ya:) I LOVE U;) bye
update 4:14pm
ITS A BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY:)
how is this possible. i went from LIKE
-100 on the happiness scale to 99 in a matter of an hour..too bad work sorta brings me down..all this talk of prom makes me HAPPY and WOW some hot guys r talking to me:) WOOOOO..hehehhee okay...well ya....i have stop being like this, or my mood will change to sadness..bye SEXY..i love everyone of u i was talking on icq to between 3:40 and now:) U ALL ROX AND u should know that:) bye
update-11:13pm
ya i think from now on ill make one entry a day and if i have more to say ill update within. neways george clonney said it PERFECTLY in this movie im watching called "out of sight" i think.. i seen it before...but ya.
he sorta went like this "u know when u walk down the street and u see the perfect person. the two of u make eye contact and for those few seconds u see something, maybe there is a chance and there is a chemistry. however u never stop. u always wil think of that person and the WHAT IF,....IT IS ALWAYS THE WHAT IS"
hahahhaa that is a really bad version of what he said. BUT GOD HOW TRUE THAT IS. i think ive experienced this more than 50 times. and it is ALWAYS THE WHAT IF. what if i would have said hi to that guy at that party. what if i would have stopped and said something.. WHAT IF WHAT IF...but u cant worry urself with that.
neways today was a day at work.. OH THE FUN:) not.....i was thinkin at work. WHY WORRY ABOUT ONE GUY.. ONE GUY OUT OF THE MILLIONS OF MILLLIONS OF GUYS OUT THERE. true..so very true. neways here is my french version of what i have to say
"je ne s pas? commosa va? sava bien...bonjour...commse commsa.."
oh man...im an idoit..BYEEEE
 Tawnya
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