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WHAT DOES TAWNYA WANT? @ 2:04 a.m. on 2001-07-06
i dont know what i want ANYMORE...wait then again i NEVER knew what i wanted. one minute i want something, then the next i want another thing. it seems as if ONCE I get what i want i dont want it anymore. do u ever have it were when once ur single for a long time *lets say....6 months* u want a boyfriend, and once u have a boyfriend AFTER the whole lovey dovey thing goes alway u want to be single again. HMMM then again maybe ive never been with the right person then. GOD IM PICKY AS HELL. or then again my mom told me that maybe im just scared of a relationship. okay MY LONGEST relationship has been not even 3 months. ive only HAD 3 guys id consider my boyfriends. IM FUCKING picky as hell. hmmm..and its not like i dont HAVE the chance to go out with people. i do.. i just get I DONT KNOW. scared???? maybe.....or maybe i JUST WONT SETTLE. im not just gonna SETTLE for a guy. cause thats just stupid. i dunno, i just sit here thinking...dee dee deeeeeee....every min. of the day i CHANGE my mind. do i want to be in a relationship right now?? do i want to just "fool around" with guys. or do i just wanna stay single? i know im through with just fooling around. cause i get toooo emotional attached. and then it becomes this whole DARRYL situation were i get lied to, so that he can "get some" from me ..*which he never did*... but still. and then i acaully would try to SEEE past his lies, and get emotionally attached where in reality i dont think darrl gave a FUCKING shit about "ME" just my body. so i dont WANT THAT. but then again. i want to find someone who fits in perfectly with my friends. se with matt that was the problem, i wanted to be with my friends and he was younger and had his OWN friends soo it was hard. when i went out with him that was like the times when everyone was together , people were starting to drive...everyone was hanging out...so it was weird. thats what fucked up my relationship with him. him and my friends were separte, and i want someone to be IN with my friends cause i love my friends too much. BUT that just brings up the whole adrian or tyler topic. they are both goOd friends of mine whom OPENLY liked me. i love them both, and i DID like adrian for a period of time. but i COULDNT cross that line of friendship to relationship. i was told by a MILLION people that, that makes the best relationship to be friends first. but HOW could i change over to being "buddies" to liek making out and stuff...maybe i just NEVER thought of them "sexually" or summin. but i dunno. im weird. and i dunno. i get BORED easily. im too impatient. if u dont show me ur interested than i lose interest. i dunno..call me crazy..just call me TAWNYA:)
 Tawnya
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