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that amasing kiss @ 10:38 p.m. on 2001-08-05
im so bored right now. not like BORED BORED cause my grandparents and aunt and parents are here...but like they are watching "soparnos" and it really doesnt interest me. i just made them all popcorn and stuff. im just bored as in there isnt NETHING to do in my house besides internet or lie in my room writing in my private journal. but im really in a WRITING in my ONLINE diary mood. i wish i had this computer in my room. my room is COMFY. my mom just redid it and i have the xmas lights and black lights working again. i just wish i had a b/f right now to invite over and just cuddle in my room. blah. yes u GUESSED it, its LETS FEEL SORRY FOR TAWNYA ENTRY. ya well god one minute i want a bf the next i dont. i mean i LIKE having the idea of just having that ONE guy for me whenever i want him to be there, but at the same time i like the attention. i like going out and like TRYING to flirt with guys. hmmmm. but right now i want a bf but i havent found the guy that i WANT. the guy that gives me the TINGLE. sorry i go on about this tingle business. *karen understands me completely*...i know u have ALLL felt it ONCE. u know that feeling in ur stomach and all over ur body. nothing in the world matters but THAT GUY. just thinking of him makes u SMILE..it gives u chills just thinking or seeing him. u want to be with him and when u are NOTHING eles matters in the world.. NOTHING. all the problems in the world just DISSAPEAR. i remember having that feeeling with matt ALL THE TIME. i remember the FIRST time we kissed. that day was GREAT;) just lying on the couch with him in my basement watching much music at 3am in the morning waiting for his mom. it was that sort of kiss where i was lying on him and we were talking..and we got closer and closer and continued to talk, but the tone of our voices got softer and softer as we moved in closer. and it was like i was mid sentence and we kissed. it was probably the best "kissing" experience i have had. i remember my dad was in the other room..but that DIDNT MATTER i didnt care about NETHING. i dont remember WHAT I WAS THINKING. it went on and on for an hour where we would stop then talk and mid sentence we would kiss again..I LOVE THAT leading up to a kiss..u know in the movies..OH MAN..im getting chills just thinking about it again. if he reads this *which i DOUBT HE DOES...he has the addy..he must think im like still hung up on him*..but as weird as it is. he was my best bf and i had the best memories with him. he made me feel special and no other bf did that. but stupid ME let that go. neways ya. life is crazze. i just wished that tommrow i go outside and run into the guy of my dreams. but that wont happen. i know i wont find the guy ill be with for the REST of my life NOW..hahaha but still..the experience is good. i just want someone that made me feel the way matt made me feel. and noone has done that to me yet. yet...key word. sometimes i think to myself *im not gonna find neone* i might as well just go for a guy that likes me. but that WONT make me happy. it wont. i know. so what am i getting to? i have no clue.i like having that person i can just CALL when im feeling blue and KNOW will talk to me and make me feel better. and in a way i FEEL like im using andrew in that way. whenever i want to talk to a guy i tell him to call me. i dunno. blah. ok..well im gonna go chill with the family. bye
 Tawnya
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