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florida-tawnya rambling about stupid things @ 12:11 a.m. on 2001-08-24
i was planning on not writing an entry til i got back cause im keeping everything in my little "private diary" book..but i feel sick in my stomach so i decided to write *why u ask* I HAVE NOO FUCKING CLUE. well ive been talking to a few of my friends on icq:) thats great..theyre all asking me WHY im not out drink or summin..ok..hello IM NOT IN MIAMI. im in boyton beach.....the kids are in school and id say 75 percent of this town is retired people....not like there is anything wrong with that, I MEAN i didnt come to florida to meet anyone...*no not even hot guys surprisingly enough* i have OTHER things on my mind. but ya i dunno. i mean i know alot of people go on vacation and have little "flings" i guess u can call it..but i dunno. im not up for that right now. i mean ever if i did meet a guy here..WHAT WOULD HAPPEN...ohh wow..u fool around...bah..see with me i get TOO emotionally attach..that is what happened with darryl. i mean we were this close to going out and it was all just sorta of a physical relationship we had ANYWAYS..i mean he DIDNT want to hang out as a friend....like HEY WANNA COME OVER AND PLAY VIDEOGAMES..noo. that wasnt how it was..i KNOW for a FACT all he wanted was sex...and i got too emotionally attacted. i mean it was weird....no i dont like him at all now..and i dont think i ever REALLY REALLY did..it was just that he made me feel speical *in a FUCKED UP WAY*...AND HE WOULD give me attention but who cares...cause it wasnt the kind i wanted.. OK SORRY TOTALLY off topic. soo ya i mean right now..i go off and on.. one min i just wanna fool around with a guy no strings attached but DEEP DOWN i know i dont....i say i dont want a bf...but its only because i havent found neone good enough for me *that sounds sorta bad*....and now with this owhole geoff thing its like i DONT know what to think. yes things happened on saturday and we were both drunk. and its weird cause WHAT tells the difference between a one nite drunk thing and bettwen that of a one nite drunk thing turned into getting to know the person and having a big chance with being with them. I MEAN what determines that???? i dont knowwww. all i do know right now is that i want it to be the second thing. i think i got myslef emotionally attached *its not really as it sounds....but u know.....i odviously want to know whats gonna happen now*...whatever i cant explain. life is weird. i mean ive had one nite stupid things where i kissed a guy and NOTHING AT ALLL HAPPENED after that day...so why are sometimes its different and u want something to happen??? GAA this is all too weird i think im confusing myself writing this. i mean i wish i could answer my question..but really WHAT IS MY QUESTION...i mean i want to talk to lindsay about all this cause i know she has had some experience with both situations *i think*...*ahh i hope she doesnt mind me puttin here in this whole stupid questioning of mine*... ok soo what am i getting to...i dont know..maybe this is what has been on my mind..i mean i wanna know if summin is gonna come out of this. but its not like im OVERLY WORRYING its just i hate worrying about what other people think or are thinking u know... im a weird person. i think too much when there is no need to think/worry. i love being here in florida..i love it...just being at the beach today made me soo happy..i walked up and down collecting shells(i love doing that)...and ya....but at the same time its like i wish i was still in p-town and could bring all the people there HERE:) but then this wouldnt be a vacation rightttt???? noo...ahhhh... ok well it is 12:30am now..and everyone is sleeping..and think i should get some sleep for my morning SWIMM:) ellisif hun..ILL EMAIL YA SOON AND i miss ya:) and everyone eles i LOVE i miss u guys:) soo yaaa.... email would be great right now..i mean i will check up sometimes..soo feel free ta email me:) [email protected] i dont care who u are...i just wanna know someone reads this stupid thing:) NITE:)
ps-i just reread my entry..and i duno..everyone must think im some crazze girl that thinks too much about the STUPIDEST things..i have to stop...
sorry for u having to put up with this shit.....sorry. good nite.
 Tawnya
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