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selfish?! @ 11:33 p.m. on 2001-12-30
hmmm. last nite i wa telling myself how MUCH of a loser he must be. wait im a loser too..but im making him to be SOMEONE he isnt.i do that to EVERYONE. i make them soo much better than who they really are. or maybe they just ARE better?!and im the weirdo. i dont even KNOW him, so why do i care.o really dont know ANYONE, so why do i make everyone so PERFECT in my mind? i told karen today that "i dont care about him anymore...whatever happens happens"...that is WHAT i was gonna do about an hour ago. then i sat and thought...NO. im not gonna SIT on my ass and LET things happen. ive been there..done that and NOTHING happens. i mean really i have NOTHING to lose here. nothing AT ALL. wait i do..but i dont. in the car my mom brough up matt. and the day where i look back whenever i hear the name "gladiator" and THINK of how much of a FUCKING bitch i am. i retold the story to my family. tarah made me think when she said "HOW WOULD U FEEL?" i never thought about that. i never thought about HIS FEELINGS. i was thinking about MYSELF. and i tend to do that too much. think of myself. i guess him not talking to me for 3 days and then us breaking up was what i DESERVED. and the fact that i think about WHAT would have happened if we were still together and i wasnt a FUCKING BITCH. why am i starting to sorta like andrew again. ?
 Tawnya
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