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A long entry....that was meant to be short @ 2:07 a.m. on 2002-03-31
"SOMETIMES truth is stranger than FICTION...DO DO DO DO.." hehehe i have that sonnng stuck in my head...but i dont mind, cause i like it! neways this is a reminder to myself, that i will NEVER write entries when im tired again. right now i could go ON AND ON AND ON about all this stupid stuff in my mind*which oddly enough only pops up in my mind when im tired and its late* and i could vent and vent about people. HOWEVER i did decide tonite that im gonna be a playette. Because so many guys out there are player, and all guys ever want is sex..instead of trying to bitch about it..im gonna join the game! hahhaa...i decided today that if i meet one more guy that a)lies to be about having a g/f b) just uses me to fool around *but then again, i never want a relationship with them anyways* then im gonna start playing guys! hahaha..wow what a great idea...no. ya im really not gonna do that, because i have RESPECT for myself and other people *some*. bah im just so tired of hearing about so and so cheating on them...AND im sick of people telling me that i should trust people more. EXCUSE me, if i didnt trust people so much, then i WOULDNT be in the situations i was. i GAVE people many-o-chances, and WANTED to believe people, but BOY did that just get thrown in my face. "how are you ever gonna have a relationship if you cant trust your partner" IM not saying i cant trust ANYONE, but im not gonna go out and GIVE my trust to any joe-blow *haha i love that name!*. i can honestly say im scaried to trust people. i dont care what ANYONE says, you can NEVER trust anyone 100 percent. 99.9 MAYBE..but 100 percent no. And all this my friends leads me to think that im a BIG wall of defence. I honestly believe that this scares some people. It pisses me off when people tell me that i have to "jump" into more relatioships, and not be so defensive. YOU havent lived my life. i mean i can honestly say that ive had a great life. However they are so many things that NOONE knows that makes me have the fears i have right now...the fears to REALLY go out into the world. if only life was easy. SEE this was the reason i TRIED to make a promise to myself at the beginning of tis entry (which was only suppost to be like 2 sentences long) NEVER EVER to write in here when im tired. Because i go on and on about STUPID THINGS. i think i should contact andrew and tell him he should put a block on me writing in this thing after certain hours. good nite. big day tommrowA!
 Tawnya
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