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those perfect moments @ 11:27 p.m. on 2001-10-07
why am i sad:( god damnit..great im in another one of my STUPID ASS MOODS..i think it is mostly cause i havent really done ANYTHING THIS WEEKEND..me not doing anything means MORE TIME FOR TAWNYA TO THINK AND reliese how much things SUCK:( fuck this...GREAT now my mom just read this and now she thinks im SOOO SAD AND is asking me why. fuck..i mean im not SAD SAD where i want to kill myslef or like hide for the rest of my life, i just think things are unfair. i cant handel school. i mean i am handeling school right? cause ive spent the whole god damn THANKSGIVING weekend doing homework and assignments and its too damn much. i really am NOT looking forward to waking up tommrowa cause that means i have to work on my english essay. i wish it was summer again, i really do. there was no worries except personal life ones. bah. again tawnya NEVER KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS. again im back to wanting a boyfriend, but at the same time i KNOW i couldnt handle one right now. school is too much, getting over this sickness and EVERYTHING. but it still seems unfair how much easier it seems for other people to have a relationship. but then again, i COULD have one if i wanted. Why cant mr perfect appear in my life. but then again getting into a relationship is just like asking to be hurt in the end *i KNOW that is a terrible way to look at it, but it is true*...so then i resort to just trying to mack guys..but that just hurts me in the end too, cause i get emotionaly involved..GOD DAMNIT. maybe ill just i have no clue. i really cant wait to go off to university. it will be like a new start. i mean its not that im not happy with the people im with now. i TOTALLLY AM;) i love them....but in the guy department i know there is WAY more of a selection andAHH but then again all the guys will want is sex. god damnit. hmmmmmmm this is one fucked up world we live in i tell u. im scared. im scared of growing up, even thou i am. i guess i have to stop worring about things and just letting them happen. again i wish those "perfect moments" in life would just stay FOREVER. you know that moment where your with this so called perfect guy *or so u think at the moment* and nothing in the WORLD matters, because u feel soo loved and you are soo close together you feel as if he could protect you from everything. and kissing. i love kissing:) best feeling in the world:) hmmmm...still in life is good, only if it could last forever;) but like everything those prefect moments go away and you are stuck with the memories in ur head which you replay over and over as if you were in that moment again. yes you have entered the mind of tawnya everyday. the best times in my life are replayed over and over, and that is what gets me up everyday in hopes for another moment to add to my collection;) good nite.
added later-woo how much better i felt after writing that:) i think this all calls for tawnya writing in her private journal..havent done that in a while:) gnite Y'ALL...eat sum TURKEY...gooble gooble.
 Tawnya
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